Cathy, I'm so glad you re-shared this post. It's such an important one, and that exercise is a gem. In Buddhism, we practice seeing everyone as another you. Similar, right? It's based on the idea that everyone wants to be happy and no one wants to suffer as a common denominator.
I love the thought of seeing everyone as another you - thank you for sharing that, Sandra! I agree, we all want to be happy and not suffer. We have so much more in common than what divides us.
Thank you for mentioning alcohol, which my father abused for most of his life. In his later years, it was no longer of interest to him and he simply stopped. I think his diminishing memory due to dementia helped this decision along. He did experience empathy towards the end of his life and taking estrogen as part of his prostate cancer treatment played a big part of that. It never occurred to me that giving up alcohol might have contributed to it.
Cathy, I love this post. As a sister outlier of 10, all but one brother and my dear mom. I do think empathy can be learned, getting sober made a difference for two of my siblings
People get drunk on all sorts of things that clog their hearts until they don’t
Thanks for resharing this powerful post, Cathy. I love learning more about your careers and how they impacted your personal worldview.
I do think, generally speaking, most of humanity can learn the virtue of empathy. I appreciate the exercise your acting teacher offered. It's filled with potential.
Thank you, Paulette. It’s interesting how that exercise has stayed with me. I often find myself thinking about one person or another currently assaulting our senses and questioning how they got to be as they are. I do think that I might have turned into one of them if I had made different choices in my life. It’s a sobering thought - but one that helps me release anger and view them instead with sadness.
Thank you, Robin. That exercise comes back to me often, wondering how one person or another in the news got to be who they are. If I had embraced the way of being my family followed, I would have been a far different person.
This is beautiful, Cathy. I think people can change if willingness is there. I know I have. I don't think sociopaths can change, though, as we're witnessing in the this current government; it seems rife with that energy. But I try not to lose hope. I've done the "there but for the grace of God go I" practice a lot in my life, I've even gone as far as to go through that process with regards to the man who currently holds the key to all of our well-being. I know in my heart that he must have been hurt so deeply, a core wound that who he is now, is a result of a terrible upbringing. But lots of people have terrible upbringings and they don't end up like him. I also believe that evil exists. I think that's the case with him. And how sad, that brother finds pleasure in other peoples' pain. Even more sadly, there are too many people that share that leaning at the present time. I feel for them. I don't approve. I wonder at it constantly. xo
Thank you for this, Nan. Having the will to learn and change is so important. I appreciate that you called that out.
Childhood wounds stay with us for far too long - maybe even forever. I rejected my family’s beliefs and behaviors, and that is what saved me. I went on a life-long quest to find what I believe to be my true family - my friends. In many ways, their disfunction led me to a very positive place. Who would have guessed?!
I hear you! Some of us find other ways to be. I'll choose love and kindness over hate and disdain every day of the week. There nothing better than making someone feel seen and loved. And then, if you add making someone laugh, it's the perfect trifecta! xo
Thanks for resharing this post on empathy, Cathy. The acting exercise sounds powerful, and I can imagine how it's been helpful to many. It would be a good one for classrooms.
Also, the terms of the college loan were probably hidden in fine print. Who among us always reads the legalese? I'd rather walk barefoot on hot coals than read legalese.
Thanks for this powerful piece, Cathy. I so identified with it -- my dad ridiculed and my mom diminished. And I'm the black sheep of the family for pointing it out.
In my case, empathy can absolutely be learned. I think I was about 6 years old when my empathy was given a drop kick to the curb. In order to survive my parents and cruel elementary school students, my empathy went into hibernation for a couple of decades. Later, thanks to the kindness of others, it was able to reemerge.
I often call myself the black sheep of my family for following a different way of thinking and being. They never understood it.
Thank you for sharing that it was the kindness of others that allowed your empathy to come out from hiding. I say that about my friends who did the same. You have reminded me that warmth and kindness comes from so many in my life - not only my friends. It's important to know that we can be lifted up by so many!
I so appreciate all that you shared, Moorea. Your comments always prompt me to explore a bit deeper. 💕
Cathy, I'm so glad you re-shared this post. It's such an important one, and that exercise is a gem. In Buddhism, we practice seeing everyone as another you. Similar, right? It's based on the idea that everyone wants to be happy and no one wants to suffer as a common denominator.
I love the thought of seeing everyone as another you - thank you for sharing that, Sandra! I agree, we all want to be happy and not suffer. We have so much more in common than what divides us.
Prajna, I love being a sister outlier with you! 😍
Thank you for mentioning alcohol, which my father abused for most of his life. In his later years, it was no longer of interest to him and he simply stopped. I think his diminishing memory due to dementia helped this decision along. He did experience empathy towards the end of his life and taking estrogen as part of his prostate cancer treatment played a big part of that. It never occurred to me that giving up alcohol might have contributed to it.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting here!
Cathy, I love this post. As a sister outlier of 10, all but one brother and my dear mom. I do think empathy can be learned, getting sober made a difference for two of my siblings
People get drunk on all sorts of things that clog their hearts until they don’t
It’s lonely
Powerful touching post!
💞
Thanks for resharing this powerful post, Cathy. I love learning more about your careers and how they impacted your personal worldview.
I do think, generally speaking, most of humanity can learn the virtue of empathy. I appreciate the exercise your acting teacher offered. It's filled with potential.
Thank you, Paulette. It’s interesting how that exercise has stayed with me. I often find myself thinking about one person or another currently assaulting our senses and questioning how they got to be as they are. I do think that I might have turned into one of them if I had made different choices in my life. It’s a sobering thought - but one that helps me release anger and view them instead with sadness.
I wonder about that too, Cathy!
Thank you, Robin. That exercise comes back to me often, wondering how one person or another in the news got to be who they are. If I had embraced the way of being my family followed, I would have been a far different person.
This is beautiful, Cathy. I think people can change if willingness is there. I know I have. I don't think sociopaths can change, though, as we're witnessing in the this current government; it seems rife with that energy. But I try not to lose hope. I've done the "there but for the grace of God go I" practice a lot in my life, I've even gone as far as to go through that process with regards to the man who currently holds the key to all of our well-being. I know in my heart that he must have been hurt so deeply, a core wound that who he is now, is a result of a terrible upbringing. But lots of people have terrible upbringings and they don't end up like him. I also believe that evil exists. I think that's the case with him. And how sad, that brother finds pleasure in other peoples' pain. Even more sadly, there are too many people that share that leaning at the present time. I feel for them. I don't approve. I wonder at it constantly. xo
Thank you for this, Nan. Having the will to learn and change is so important. I appreciate that you called that out.
Childhood wounds stay with us for far too long - maybe even forever. I rejected my family’s beliefs and behaviors, and that is what saved me. I went on a life-long quest to find what I believe to be my true family - my friends. In many ways, their disfunction led me to a very positive place. Who would have guessed?!
I hear you! Some of us find other ways to be. I'll choose love and kindness over hate and disdain every day of the week. There nothing better than making someone feel seen and loved. And then, if you add making someone laugh, it's the perfect trifecta! xo
I could not agree more. Thank you for adding this, Nan! 💝
Thanks for resharing this post on empathy, Cathy. The acting exercise sounds powerful, and I can imagine how it's been helpful to many. It would be a good one for classrooms.
Also, the terms of the college loan were probably hidden in fine print. Who among us always reads the legalese? I'd rather walk barefoot on hot coals than read legalese.
Thanks for this powerful piece, Cathy. I so identified with it -- my dad ridiculed and my mom diminished. And I'm the black sheep of the family for pointing it out.
In my case, empathy can absolutely be learned. I think I was about 6 years old when my empathy was given a drop kick to the curb. In order to survive my parents and cruel elementary school students, my empathy went into hibernation for a couple of decades. Later, thanks to the kindness of others, it was able to reemerge.
I often call myself the black sheep of my family for following a different way of thinking and being. They never understood it.
Thank you for sharing that it was the kindness of others that allowed your empathy to come out from hiding. I say that about my friends who did the same. You have reminded me that warmth and kindness comes from so many in my life - not only my friends. It's important to know that we can be lifted up by so many!
I so appreciate all that you shared, Moorea. Your comments always prompt me to explore a bit deeper. 💕
I always love your essays, Cathy.
You have warmed my heart, Moorea!
What a journey you've had, Moorea. Thanks for sharing your experience of having to learn empathy. So courageous.
Thanks so much for your kindness, Robin