A Life Well Lived
How will you be remembered?
It was always a possibility, but I had not planned to start the new year at a memorial service. They called it a Celebration of Life, and that it was. Oh, what a life!
My friend’s husband, Hank, passed just after Christmas. It was not unexpected, and with it came the end of his physical pain which had become constant and profound. We often refer to this freedom of pain as a blessing, and I believe that to be true. What surprised me was the blessing I received that day.
I have heard Hank’s family mentioned over the past twenty years, but I had not met them until this weekend. At least twenty if not thirty family members drove to New Jersey from Detroit and Cleveland to have final conversations with him and to be there for each other.
During the service, I sat in awe as family and friends spoke of the impact Hank had on each of their lives as they interacted together soul to soul. It was extraordinary to witness. I’m sure he would reframe that to reflect the impact they had on him. Both are true.
Love, Respect, Care
Our actions have impact, though we don’t always know what that impact might be. Listening to story after story this weekend, I hope Hank knew how meaningful even the smallest of his actions had on those whose lives he touched.
Whether his relationship was as a husband, brother, father, grandfather, uncle, or friend, the stories shared about him were all the same – only the details differed. This was a man who would stop everything to be there for those who needed to speak with him or to be with him.
He was a mentor to all, sharing the wisdom I have a feeling he came into this world already knowing. His guidance was sought after and valued. Respect flowed in both directions. His laughter and love of life made every conversation even better.
What I saw from my vantage point at the back of the room was a family that was there for each other. When one laughed, others quickly laughed along and shared the joy of the moment. When one cried, others closed in to offer comfort. This seems like it should be the most natural thing, but it was nothing I had ever experienced.
So many stories, so much to be grateful for over a lifetime of memories. Often people felt compelled to add what they learned from Hank and how he lived his life. He was a role model as well as someone who offered wise counsel.
I could see the ripple effects his actions had created. They extended across family and friends, and down generations. I saw how each generation would emulate what they learned from him as they created ripples of their own. These are the actions that bring positive change into the world.
So simple. So beautiful. That cocoon of love still surrounds me as I write.
A Reflection
We don’t often think of the legacy we leave behind – “we” meaning regular folks, you and me. Legacy is not limited to a financial inheritance or a name on an organization or building. Hank left a legacy of kindness, caring, wisdom, laughter, love. That is something within the reach of us all.
Taylor Swift summed it up simply:
“No matter what happens in life, be good to people. Being good to people is a wonderful legacy to leave behind.”
A story shared during the service stays with me. One of Hank’s granddaughters stood before us and started reading her tribute, and then stopped to tell us an experience she recently remembered.
As a child, she was happily running through the house with untied shoelaces when Hank pointed out they needed to be tied. When she told him she did not know how to do that, he stopped what he was doing, came over to her, showed her, and watched as she practiced numerous times until she could easily and consistently tie them.
This was not only a lesson in how to tie shoelaces. It was a lesson in giving of oneself, and doing so with full presence and love. What a gift!
A Question
How do you want to be remembered? We create our legacy every day, with every interaction. The ripples we initiate are within our control. The best we can do for ourselves and for each other is to create them wisely.
Very moving, Cathy. What's most important is how we treat others in life.
This is a wonderful read to start the new year, actually a wonderful read at any time of the year! The essence of a life well lived comes through in your telling of this lovely man's life. Your question matters, and as I continue to mature, I am very conscious how much it matters. To be remembered for the things I want to be remembered for, I have to wake up every day and be intentional and attentive. It's a good practice. Thank you, Cathy!