Feeling Happy? Want to Feel Happier?

A surge of happiness is minutes away

Random Conversations is a newsletter for those who believe in the power of a positive perspective and the joy it brings. It champions intentionally honoring ways of being and promotes the belief that we can change our world, one interaction at a time. Choose the change wisely.

Madison Square Park, NYC - Photo by the Author

The photo here is from the Madison Square Park dog run, a short walk from where I live. It’s my go-to place for a boost of joy and influx of happiness. My guess is that some of these playful pups are old friends from repeat visits, while others are brand new and instantly added to the pack. They connect with each other in only the most joyous ways.

What can be learned from them? Well, a lot!! But for this post, I want to focus on connection – in our case, human connection.

Documentation shows that our connection to others and to our community affects our level of happiness. We feel connection in many ways, and one of the simplest, most immediate ways is to talk with people - friends, family, even strangers.

Happiness Research

Recently, the NY Times dedicated its Sunday Magazine to happiness. My favorite article was “How Nearly a Century of Happiness Research Led to One Big Finding” by Susan Dominus. Happiness has been studied for decades, and she documents quite a bit of it. A gift link to the full article can be found in the footnotes.¹

The longest-running wellness study in America began in 1939 at Harvard and is still active today. The initial focus was to understand the qualities that made people the best and the brightest. John F. Kennedy was in that group.

In the 1970s, researchers added men from disadvantaged backgrounds. The focus then shifted to how people change over time, and what makes them happy and healthy over their years.

In a 2015 TED Talk, Robert Waldinger, the current director of the study, shared key learning from its then 75 years.²

“Strong, long-term relationships with spouses, family and friends built on deep trust – not achievement, not fortune or fame – were what predicted well-being.

The good life is built with good relationships.”

It’s not the quantity of the relationships that is important, it’s the quality.

Talking with Strangers

What about short interactions? They boost happiness, as well. A University of Chicago study asked participants to interact with strangers on public transportation and try to connect with them. Even these brief interactions appeared to give commuters a mood boost.

One researcher, Sonja Lyubomirsky, links happiness to the feeling of being connected to other people. Yes, strong marriages and family relationships make people happy, but she found that even smaller points of human connection throughout the day are effective in boosting happiness. I so agree with her!

I first suggested talking with strangers as an exercise for people who need to build comfort engaging in one-on-one live conversations. Talking with a stranger is relatively low risk since the chances are that you will never see each other again. It’s a good way to try it out.

Over the years, I have experienced the joy of brief conversations with strangers. Each interaction came naturally – stopping to offer directions to someone in need, commenting on something I found beautiful (the color of fabric, a pair of earrings, a hairstyle) – and then seeing that person get the biggest smile and walk on with a lighter step. What’s interesting is that I felt happier as well.

A Reflection

I am fortunate to have dear friends who are always just a phone call away. Speaking with them is a lifeline for me. And when we can meet in person, it’s even better!

For some reason, the COVID lockdown has been circling back into my consciousness lately. Five years ago, NYC streets were deserted. Grocery stores, drug stores, and the Union Square farmers market were among the very few places open, and signs warned us to keep three feet apart from each other.

The lack of connection and interaction was difficult. I was lucky in that I could talk with the doormen in my building – from a safe distance, of course. It’s human nature to care about others. They had families, and it felt good to ask if they were staying healthy. It felt normal, even in the most abnormal of situations.

A human interaction - so simple, so powerful. That said, not all interactions are created equal. Those that I refer to are intentionally honoring of each person involved. They result in the elevation of the human spirit. And they are absolutely delicious!

A Question

In addition to friends and family, do you talk with strangers? If not, are you open to trying? A boost of happiness just might follow.

1. A free gift link to the NY Times article “How Nearly a Century of Happiness Research Led to One Big Finding” can be found here. The title of the print version is “There’s a formula for happiness – but you won’t find it alone.”

2. The link to Robert Waldinger’s TEDx recording can be found here: “What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness” – TEDx Beacon Street, November 2015.

For further information about happiness, I highly recommend the work of Martin Seligman, who is mentioned in the Times article. He founded the field of Positive Psychology and is a professor at the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center, where an excellent website has been created and maintained. Free resources are available. https://ppc.sas.upenn.edu/

If you are curious about how happy we are as a nation compared to the rest of the world, the current World Happiness Report (2024) ranks the US at number 24 out of 147 countries. https://data.worldhappiness.report/table.